How in the world am I starting my period tonight? It is only CD 23...way too early for a period (although I had my IUI on CD 10 so they really put my whole cycle in a funk) I couldn't be more pissed right now. I just want to scream or throw something across the room. The remote control looks tempting. How in the world am I not pregnant?
I am just so confused on what to do next. Every time a cycle fails I try to just start planning for the next one but I am feeling so tired and emotionally drained I can't muster up the energy to even think about it (even though I will.) My hubby and I have talked about not doing a 5th IUI and possibly moving onto IVF (that thought just sucks) We don't see the point in yet another IUI - is there something I am missing here? Should we be doing another IUI? There aren't many things in life that I would fail at 4 times and try a 5th....seems like the obvious choice is to try a new direction. I am just absolutely terrified of IVF. Am I really here already? Can we afford this? How many cycles of IVF will we have to do? Is there that much to be terrified of or am I letting my mind get the best of me again? I am just wondering how much time is good enough from right now until a possible IVF cycle. How much time do I need to heal emotionally and physically. Right now, I am so tired, exhausted, drained, and feel I want to sleep but I am wide awake. My body doesn't feel ready to take on any more medicine right now and my mind doesn't feel ready for that big of a failure if IVF didn't work the first time. We thought IUI would work the first time...boy were we wrong.
I have tried so damn hard to stay positive throughout all of this, especially this summer. That positivity just ran right out the door. Tonight, I just need to vent because I am so disappointed...this was supposed to work. This was supposed to be our cycle. You have got to be kidding me.
Any thoughts, suggestions?
I am so sorry. Deciding what is next is a very difficult decision and everyone has a different "end" before moving onto their next step. Don't rush your choice, if you don't feel ready for more meds take a month off.
ReplyDeleteAfter 3 failed IUI's I am ready to move onto the IVF, which scares the shit out of me!
Thinking of you.....
I am so sorry that this cycle did not work out. I agree with gurlee, everyone is on their own time table. I am wondering what your RE is suggesting at this point. Keep in mind that even though IVF is expensive and terrifying, it has better odds of working than IUI, that helped me feel better about moving on. Hang in there, perhaps what you need is a break between cycles, doing IUI again of IVF. Breaks have done wonders for me in the past. Thinking of you and sending love your way.
ReplyDeleteSorry this cycle didn't work out. MY RE does things in 3's, her theory is if it is going to work it will within the first 3 tries, if doesn't work after 3 tries it is time to try something else. That being said, you have to do what you are comfortable with and what you are ready for. What is your RE thinking is the next step for you?
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear that AF arrived! :(. I have been there, done that, and I know the anger you are feeling. I did go for the illusive 5th IUI and had no luck, taking a break for a month really helped me to get things back in perspective. We are moving on to IVF and it is really scary! Hope you get to a good plan soon.
ReplyDeleteOh, sweetie, I am so sorry. I wouldn't make any kind of decision for a couple days...my RE also does rule of 3s, though at this point, I know I won't put my body through that much...take a couple days to be pissed off, sad, whatever you need, and then think it through. HUGS
ReplyDeleteGosh.. I just wrote a very similar post just now. I'm feeling angry too and I haven't even gotten to the IUI stage yet. I'm so sorry this isn't it for you and I agree - 4 fails makes a 5th seem kind of pointless. I'd take a few days off from thinking about it and then see what your RE thinks too.
ReplyDeleteSara, that totally sucks. I'd be hesitant about a 5th IUI as well...hard to keep trying something that doesn't seem to be working, but it's a scary next step as well. No good advice... just hang in there. Take a few days to step back and reevaluate what you want to do, what you can afford to do, and what kind of timeline your heart needs to recover first.
ReplyDeleteI feel awful that this didn't work for you. Each couple is different and they just need to decide what is best for them. If you feel like another IUI is the right way to go - go for it. If IVF sounds like a better option, go that route. I agree with Kelly to take a few days and think about things. Maybe a decision will come after time.
ReplyDelete*hugs* So sorry af showed up and your having to contemplate ivf. I will probably be in the same place after this cycle. Good luck with your decisions.
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