Wednesday, April 27, 2011

ABC 123 :)

Thanks to all of the fabulous women who have shared so many thoughts with this post....thought I would give it a shot. :)

A to Z of TTC

A. Age when you started TTC: 25

B. Baby Dancing or Sex: Sex (haven't ever been the greatest dancer)

C. Children wanted: I will no longer put an expectation on this - planning hasn't worked out thus far!

D. Dogs/Cats/Fill in Children: Two dogs - Lucy & Mickey. Lucy is an Australian Shepherd and Mickey is a Border Collie. They are flippin' awesome and definitely entertain us. As far as fill in children, all of my students are work do this for me every single day. Every single day.

E. Essential Oils/Vitamins/Snake Oils: Prenatals.

F. Fertility Meds I’ve taken: Clomid, Ovidrel, Follistim

G. Gain: I have gained some headaches and hopefully a lot of wisdom.

H. HSG (Hystosalpingogram): March 2010 - everything was clear but holy crap balls was that painful!

I. Infertile Pet Peeves: "Oh just stop trying, relax, and it will happen." Really?

J. Job title: Teacher (I have waited so long to have that job title. Love it!!!!)

K. Kid’s names you’re afraid will be taken by the time you can use them: Refer to my job title: teacher - and my husband is a teacher - we are screwed no matter what. Somewhere along the line at least one kid has ruined every name for us. We will just have to be really creative someday!

L. Length of time TTC: Over 2 and a half years

M. Miscarriages: none

N. Number of times you’ve switched OB/GYNS, REs, FSs: One time - our first RE was not very advanced in the treatments he could offer us. Nice guy - but we graduated from the basics a long time ago!

O. Ovarian quality: Do we ever really know this for sure?

P. POAS or wait for AF: Have tried both....I like waiting for a period more but POAS always gives a good heads up.

Q. Quote from an obnoxious fertile: I got nothin' here!

S. Sperm: Good to go in this department. :)

T. Time you tried naturally: A long time - don't really feel like thinking this hard! At least this involves sex!

U. Uterus quality: Good as far as I know. The quality and quantity are both good.

V. Vagina: Yes, I have one of those.

W. What baby stuff do you already have?: Just some clothes that my hubby's aunt and uncle passed to us like 2 years ago. It is just collecting dust in garbage bags in the basement. Other than that, too dangerous for me to be collecting baby stuff.

X. X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey? As of last May - no one. As of today - anyone and everyone who asks - freedom to talk about has been refreshing (even though I have wanted to slap a couple of people!) Most people who know though have kind of shied away and don't really ask us too much about it.

Y. Yearly Exam (do you still go in even though someone sees your lady parts most months?): Yes, this is essential for every woman. Even though I have exposed my lady parts to multiple people year round, I still get the check up.

Z. Zits: Ya I have some of those. Usually brought on by stress so these pop up from time to time! :)

This was fun to do. If you made it down this far, congratulations! I tried to keep it light hearted! :)

Monday, April 18, 2011

The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow

Hi all! Still here! It seems as though I have not posted in forever! I am still checking in on you all....not always commenting but just know that doesn't mean I care any less. I wish this post would find you all reading something that said "surprise" we're pregnant - but we are not. I wish this post had more positivity in it - but it doesn't. I wish I could just take the pain away that my husband and I are experiencing. Where is that damn genie in a bottle when I need him anyway?
I really don't have much to write about today. I have a lot to say but writing just hasn't been doing it for me lately. Bottom line is - still on a break from trying to conceive. Still trying to search my soul for some answers - but most of the time I have to keep reminding myself to just live out the answers.

Still working on getting my groove back. Still working on finding the drive to push forward with infertility treatments. Since February I have lost 16 pounds....I feel healthier than I have in a long time. But I also feel more damaged than I have ever been - I try not to show that to the outside real world though. I am really not sure when I will feel healed and ready to start trying again. Has anyone experienced this? It is like I have completely shut off a switch for pregnancy. I just don't want to have anything to do with it right now. Does it come back? Does the drive to try again ever come back? I feel so unfair to my husband - I am the one putting on the brakes. This is not his choice. I feel selfish but know it is what I need right now. I can't predict how I will feel tomorrow.

So for now I am just trying to focus on finding small things that make me happy. I just signed up to coach a little league softball team. It should be a great time.

This post for some reason reminds me of a song from Annie - I hope she is right.

The sun'll come out
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!
Just thinkin' about
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!
When I'm stuck a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
The sun'll come out
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
I love ya
You're always
A day
A way!