Monday, March 14, 2011

Getting My Groove Back...

I apologize for my absence lately. I am even more sorry that I have not been commenting on all of your posts. Please don't take it to heart. I think about all of you a lot and send you positive vibes.

After my period showed up early March after our first month of trying naturally after our lap, I kind of put up a HUGE wall. It was like I just shut something off inside of me. I was pissed off. Not really even sad or upset....just pissed off.

So after many difficult and selfish conversations, my hubby and I have decided to take this month off from trying. I just don't have it in me this month. Maybe it is because if our next natural cycle fails, we move on to IVF. Am I trying to push that off? Maybe it is because I just don't have the emotional energy to try.

I have decided that this month I am not going to let my life be defined by trying to get pregnant. This month is dedicated to feeling like me again and getting my groove back. I already feel rejuvenated. I think my main goal of this month is to miss trying to get pregnant. I need to miss the want for a child. Right now it feels as though it is taking over my life. I can't predict what next month will bring, but I can say that no matter what I will be stronger. So for now, I will not be blogging. A large part of getting to feeling refreshed is stepping away from all of this (definitely easier said than done) The sun was shining today and I haven't felt this free in a while. I feel like this month is for catching my breath. We have been running for quite some time now and I just need to take a pause and catch my breath. I think it's what any smart marathon runner would do!

Breathe in, breathe out, it will all work out.