I apologize for my absence lately. I am even more sorry that I have not been commenting on all of your posts. Please don't take it to heart. I think about all of you a lot and send you positive vibes.
After my period showed up early March after our first month of trying naturally after our lap, I kind of put up a HUGE wall. It was like I just shut something off inside of me. I was pissed off. Not really even sad or upset....just pissed off.
So after many difficult and selfish conversations, my hubby and I have decided to take this month off from trying. I just don't have it in me this month. Maybe it is because if our next natural cycle fails, we move on to IVF. Am I trying to push that off? Maybe it is because I just don't have the emotional energy to try.
I have decided that this month I am not going to let my life be defined by trying to get pregnant. This month is dedicated to feeling like me again and getting my groove back. I already feel rejuvenated. I think my main goal of this month is to miss trying to get pregnant. I need to miss the want for a child. Right now it feels as though it is taking over my life. I can't predict what next month will bring, but I can say that no matter what I will be stronger. So for now, I will not be blogging. A large part of getting to feeling refreshed is stepping away from all of this (definitely easier said than done) The sun was shining today and I haven't felt this free in a while. I feel like this month is for catching my breath. We have been running for quite some time now and I just need to take a pause and catch my breath. I think it's what any smart marathon runner would do!
Breathe in, breathe out, it will all work out.
I understand your need for space, but I will miss you! I completely understand what you are saying, though. We took a break in December and I think it was completely necessary in order to prepare for our IVF cycle (which basically started at the end of Jan). Go get your groove, Stella. Don't be a stranger, though! :)
ReplyDeletegood for you!! a break is good every once in a while..... i think my break might have saved my life... i was spiraling out of control. and now i am ready to get back on the horse.
ReplyDeletei hope you get everything you need out of your time off!!
xoxo
It's okay to step back. I did that for the past couple months, not really trying and just finding myself again. It's worth it.
ReplyDeleteWe are also heading toward IVF this June (I think) and it's so scary. I know how you feel. Do whatever you need to do to get in a better mindset and come back swinging both fists at IF.
We'll be here waiting.
MissConception
Glad to hear you are doing better. I hope that this break provides you with some much needed rejuvenation and freedom that you desire. We will miss you though, and will be awaiting your return!
ReplyDeletegreat idea, sometimes you just need to live like a normal, non-IF person for a while. Hoping tha the break does you some good!!!! Looking forward to hearing from you when you are back.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya Sarah - it's so so hard to try and fail over and over in this stupid IF world. I hope you find your joy this month and are excited to try again next cycle! (or whenever if feels right)
ReplyDeleteHang in there...
It is so important to take a break and regain some sense of yourself outside of ttc. We will be here for you when you need us. Take good care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteIt definitely does take over EVERYTHING in your mind and in your life. I think it's wonderful that you're taking a break. It's so refreshing if you're able to truly do it. :)
ReplyDelete<3
PS - COMPLETELY off topic... I just ran across an old email I had marked as "come back to this." You had asked if I watched Sarah Palin's Alaska. I actually did, even though sometimes I wanted put tape over her mouth. It was worth it to see my home portrayed in its natural and beautiful state!!
enjoy your well-deserved break..best wishes to you (and all your followers) who are looking at IVF - in the same boat here, honestly kinda scared about what IVF entails! thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI hope you get your groove back and feel better about things!
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