How in the world am I starting my period tonight? It is only CD 23...way too early for a period (although I had my IUI on CD 10 so they really put my whole cycle in a funk) I couldn't be more pissed right now. I just want to scream or throw something across the room. The remote control looks tempting. How in the world am I not pregnant?
I am just so confused on what to do next. Every time a cycle fails I try to just start planning for the next one but I am feeling so tired and emotionally drained I can't muster up the energy to even think about it (even though I will.) My hubby and I have talked about not doing a 5th IUI and possibly moving onto IVF (that thought just sucks) We don't see the point in yet another IUI - is there something I am missing here? Should we be doing another IUI? There aren't many things in life that I would fail at 4 times and try a 5th....seems like the obvious choice is to try a new direction. I am just absolutely terrified of IVF. Am I really here already? Can we afford this? How many cycles of IVF will we have to do? Is there that much to be terrified of or am I letting my mind get the best of me again? I am just wondering how much time is good enough from right now until a possible IVF cycle. How much time do I need to heal emotionally and physically. Right now, I am so tired, exhausted, drained, and feel I want to sleep but I am wide awake. My body doesn't feel ready to take on any more medicine right now and my mind doesn't feel ready for that big of a failure if IVF didn't work the first time. We thought IUI would work the first time...boy were we wrong.
I have tried so damn hard to stay positive throughout all of this, especially this summer. That positivity just ran right out the door. Tonight, I just need to vent because I am so disappointed...this was supposed to work. This was supposed to be our cycle. You have got to be kidding me.
Any thoughts, suggestions?