Sunday, August 15, 2010

At a Stand Still

So I had a minor freak out last night because I started bleeding really heavily again. My period started on Tuesday morning and ended very abruptly on Thursday evening. Friday I had nothing. Saturday I pretty much had nothing except a little spotting in the evening. Then, I went to the bathroom around 7:30 and holy cow I felt like I should have grabbed a bucket! (sorry, TMI) Of course we weren't home but were at my husband's parents' house. I called hubby to the bathroom and explained the situation. I then called my mom. I then talked to his mom. I feel bad I scared both of them with my hysterical behavior because I was worried that maybe I was pregnant and something was wrong with the baby. We all decided it would be best to just call the emergency number of my fertility clinic. The nurse helped me calm down and told me to take a pregnancy test right away and call the doc. on Monday if it is positive. She also said it could just be a weird period thing due to all of the crazy meds that have been in my body. She then said it could be a chemical pregnancy but she didn't think that was the case. I was freaking out. Long story short (well, I guess it is already too long!) the HPT came back negative. Why did I let myself get my hopes up again thinking that it really could have been positive? Silly me.

All is fine today. Just some end of period spotting. I did have cramps in the middle of the night that woke me up a few times. I guess my body is just punishing me for putting so many medicines inside of it.

I don't really like where hubby and I are right now. We have chosen to not go ahead with a 5th IUI. We just don't see the point, plus with paying out of pocket we really just can't manage it right now. IVF is the next step for us. I have been in denial of that for a while now. I can't really even express how I feel about IVF yet. I just know that I am not ready. We are not sure of our timeline for that yet. My body feels beat down. My mental state feels too tender right now to take something that big on. My positive attitude went on vacation. I think I have a lot of work to do to get myself healhty before we really go full force into IVF.

For now, we are just going to try naturally for a while. Possibly a long while. I feel like we have made no progress and now here we are back to where we started two years ago. I am not a fan of not pushing this forward but this just seems like the most practical decision. I am not a fan of the stress this puts on my husband and I. I am not a fan of infertility.

Does anybody have suggestions for what else I should be doing to prep my body for this? Acupuncture? Massages? Lose weight? Counselor? Etc.? What has worked/helped all of you?


  1. my periods do that NORMALLY, so with the meds anything is possible. I got ready for IVF by acting caffeine, alcohol, taking supplements and prenatals, and (the worst part) going off my happy drugs. Oooh, that sucked. I know many women do acupuncture. And it may be really good for you to spend the time really preparing yourself physically and mentally, even if it is really hard to wait. Healthy you = healthy baby!

  2. Sorry you had such a scare, yikes.

    I am ready to IVF, there is nothing that I can pinpoint that got me there except maybe my third failed IUI. I got to feeling like I was just wasting mytime (and money). I am hoping to start BCP next month and I plan to do massage, acupuncture and some meditation to add some additional support.
    You will get the point when it feels right.