Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Pros at failing

Well, my least favorite monthly gift came today. I am at cycle day 31 today so I was highly questioning if I was pregnant or not. My husband is out of town right now so I was waiting to POAS until he gets home. I guess I will not have to do that now since the good ol' period came tonight.

I am so mad at myself for thinking this could be the time (just like every other time.) We were trying naturally this month due to just needing a month off from meds/procedures. I didn't have much hope at the beginning of this cycle that we would get pregnant because my chances that I even ovulated are slim to none. But then....on Friday I started having dull cramps in my back and I told my husband I was about to start. He left for vacation on Saturday and I still hadn't started. Then Sunday came and went. Then Monday came and went...pregnant???? Most of Tuesday passed by and then WHAM! Hit me like a brick today.

I have to admit I handled it pretty well today. I didn't cry (partly because my sister is in from out of town staying with me while hubby is away.) I think I also didn't cry though because my body knows how to handle this now. We are pros at failing. It knows that it should be glad for a period because it means the next cycle can start. It knows that crying is not going to get me anywhere. It knows that failing a cycle doesn't mean we will fail completely.

I think I just need my husband to get home on Wednesday so I can stop putting on my tough face....maybe I just need to cry and have someone listen to me yell about how pissed off I am.

Another round failed. Another round beginning.


  1. Yuck. I'm sorry that this wasn't your cycle. It is always such a let down no matter how much you try to keep your hopes in check. I hope this next cycle is the one!

  2. Ugh, I am so sorry. I hope you are able to let go and get your emotions out with your hubby soon.