The Official Red Folder

I had my post-op appointment today with Dr. Y today. I passed the test! I can now lift more than twenty pounds and I am now cleared to insert things into my vagina. Thank goodness about the vagina part because I started my period on Wednesday and wearing pads made me feel like I was back in 7th grade. I felt so self-conscious at work yesterday wondering all day if someone could tell I was wearing a pad or if I was leaking (sorry TMI!) I guess the vagina thing also means I can have sex! This works out really well because we obviously can't be successful with this whole trying naturally gig if we couldn't do the tango.

Here are a few notes from my appointment today:
- Dr. Y went over my pictures again. Boy am I glad that he knew what he was seeing because I certainly was a little lost.
- He talked to me about trying naturally for three months and I said we would like to just do that for two months and then move on. I think my official words were "Well, trying naturally, we have kind of been there done that and it hasn't work for us. I don't really trust it. We are ready to move on and forward." He then asked if we wanted meds to regulate my cycle. I mentioned to him that I was not a fan of Clomid even though my cycles were very regular when I was on it. We ended up just deciding to do these next two cycles unmedicated. I asked him to be really up front with me about our chances with trying these next few months. I told him that at this point in the game getting my hopes too up is a really dangerous thing. He was very honest and ended up just saying that he wouldn't fall out of his chair if I called him next month and said we were pregnant but just prepare myself for what the next steps will be if we aren't successful.
- Dr. Y then went over the plan for if we are not successful in these next two months. IVF.
- He stepped out for a minute and there it was: The official red IVF folder. (I will now refer to the folder as Big Red just to lighten the mood a bit!) I even said to him when he walked back in with it: "Wow, that is official." I am glad he gets/appreciates my sense of humor.
- Before I left I just thanked him for all he has done for my husband and I. I told him how much I appreciated the job well done with the surgery and that he and the partner in his practice are just doing an awesome thing for women every day. I think he was caught off guard because he was very appreciative of those words and said that he doesn't usually hear that stuff from someone who has not been successful yet. I guess I just needed him to know that they continue to give us hope.

So I guess the bottom line of this appointment is: the pressure is on! These next two months are pretty crucial for us. If we don't get pregnant in the next two months we will be entering into the unknown world of IVF. I take all of this very seriously and know that path will require a lot from us. Every step of the way in these past two and a half years has just been preparing us for this point in our journey. I have some hope that this could work in the next two months but I also consider myself a pretty realistic person. Just the fact that Dr. Y told me he doesn't think doing injectibles and IUI again would work for us tells me that trying naturally probably won't either. Like I said before...been there done that. We will try and who knows what can happen.

That red folder keeps staring at me. It is very intimidating and has a lot of information in it. Can we do this? Can we afford this? I am feeling a little overwhelmed today even though we have had in the back of our minds for quite some time that this was going to happen. I also have to keep in mind that IVF is not a magical answer either. There is no saying that we would be successful in our first attempt. We can only hope and dream. CALM AND STRONG.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring. But today all I know is I have a lot of reading to do. Big Red is awaiting me.