Monday, January 17, 2011

The 'In Between' is the hardest

Here we are...waiting again to do something to change our infertility status. We are in between trying and not trying. We are not in treatments and we are not trying (please refer to my last post about not being able to insert anything into my vagina for two weeks according to my discharge nurse for my lap!) We are just kind of stuck in the middle of no where. BFE (Big Fat Endometriosis) has caused us to take a brief intermission from trying. Please come back after you have taken a bathroom break and helped yourself to any refreshments. ;)

Ever since we have included more people in our circle of trust, I have never figured out why family members and friends are invisible during the times that don't include meds, procedures, or surgeries. I was talking to a good friend of mine about it the other day, and she said she doesn't want to upset us by bringing it up. I told her that Chad and I are more than willing to talk about our struggles but probably won't bring it up ourselves. So there lies the problem - no one wants to initiate conversations about our infertility! I think I need to communicate to our sometimes invisible support system that we are going to have bad days regardless of if someone brings up our issues or not. Having people feel comfortable talking to us makes us feel supported and loved - and that is really what keeps us going on some of the darkest days. Talk about it! Ask us how we are doing. Show interest and see what our next steps are or ask us how we are doing while in the two week wait, or how are you doing during the in between time. My husband and I are both teachers and maybe we need to educate our friends and family on the ins and outs of dealing with an infertile couple! We don't bite! I promise!

I was really proud of my husband today because he talked to some of his co-workers about our situation. He came out of the infertility closet! It is never easy to open yourself up to the possibilities of feeling vulnerable. Go hubby! :) In case you are wondering - yes, I am done being corny (for now!)

Stuck in the middle. I feel like we are on a surfboard just waiting for that next big wave to take us to shore. Our next step (believe it or not) is to try naturally! Yes, I am thankful for those words and the chance that we could get pregnant this way, but I certainly don't trust it. The natural way has let us down so many times and has shoved its' middle finger in our faces more times than we could handle. But then again, deep down inside of me is this little box of hope that has been sealed shut for quite some time - this could actually work. Oh, hope, please creep out of that box. We have a plan in case this whole "naturally" thing doesn't work - but wouldn't it just be wicked awesome if it did?

Stuck in between. Stuck waiting. CALM AND STRONG (I just have to keep reminding myself of this.)


  1. Wicked awesome indeed.

    Hoping and praying that getting the endo out was all that was needed to get you that BFP!!!

    I might be sharing this post with my family and's so well written, and it's so easy to forget sometimes that they don't know how to act because (hopefully) they've never been through it.

  2. Great post. We went through the same things with our family and friends at times.

    I can only imagine how difficult it is to go from lots of help, to nothing, but I'm so hopeful that the lap was just what you needed and you get a surprise.

  3. Damn endo. I hope this takes care of it for you.

    I hear ya on the "not wanting to upset you" comment. That always baffles me though. I entrusted those people so that there wasn't any more silence and now they're being silent anyway? Ugh.

  4. I hate the not wanting to upset you sentiment, if I don't want to talk, I will let you know. It is so difficult no matter which way you opt: to tell or not to tell. Well meaning friends can often end up upsetting you without meaning to.
    Being on a forced break was always good for me. I hope it is good for you too. Enjoy yourself and don't worry about treatments, CM or timed intercourse!

  5. In between is hard. I have told some people our struggles but after that they never bring it up again. *shrugs*

  6. Yeah, our family didn't ask crap unless we volunteered information. It's a thing.

    Try to enjoy your enforced break - do things you don't normally get to do, play, get out, pretend to be normal :)

  7. thanks for this post - you summed up alot of what my husband and i have been feeling! best wishes!

  8. I agree, the in-between is so hard. And it's hard to deal with well-meaning friends and family who just don't know the right way to respond. You really have to spell it out for them or they never seem to figure it out! I'm hoping that your time of trying naturally works for you!

  9. woohoo for trying naturally! It would be pretty freaking exciting if it worked after all that you've gone through :)