Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Constant Reminders

I just finished watching an episode of Modern Family. It seems as though everywhere I turn lately, there is something that reminds me I do not have a child. Pregnant women seem to be around every corner...kind of like when you get a new car you notice all of the people who have the same car (but that is an easier one to handle!) I guess I am just feeling like I want to avoid the world sometimes. Can't I just avoid family gatherings, seeing friends, and going out in public (okay I am exaggerating!) Can't I just curl up in a comfy blanket on the couch with my two dogs and my husband until I am actually pregnant? I am so sick of having to make up some stupid excuse for when people ask me why I am not drinking...trying to get pregnant here people! Maybe I should just say "I am pregnant with dinosaur triplets so I am trying to cut back on the alcohol" and then maybe they won't ever ask again. Getting together with family even proves to be difficult lately. It is hard to be around anyone who doesn't know the constant struggle I am going through. So I guess that leaves me with the only person it is easy to be around lately is my husband. With him, I can just sit in the living room and say nothing, not smile, not laugh at my favorite shows, and he just understands. He hurts too. I can't hold it against my friends and family who we have not informed because that is a choice that we made. Maybe someday we will let everyone into our very private world, although, some may want to avoid entering it. Maybe I am afraid of how people will react or of how they will not react. Right now I just feel I have all that I can handle....I don't need other people to ask me how I am doing, or if I have gotten my period, or if I am feeling any symptoms, or anything that will be a reminder that I am not a mother yet. That blanket over there on the couch is looking really good right about now!

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