Well, I was able to have a martini tonight with my dinner. That is only because IUI #5 failed. Mission not accomplished.
I am mad. I am disappointed. I am losing hope that this will ever happen. I have tried to be a positive person throughout all of this but now I am just feeling like the statue (not that I want to be the pigeon.) I think it is totally unfair that any couple should have to endure this much. Has it made us stronger because of it? Yes, but enough is enough. We want to be parents so much and it just doesn't make any sense. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but I am running out of patience with the time it is taking for this "everything" to happen.
This IUI was our last one. Our checklist doesn't have very much left on it. We are going to meet with our RE next week to discuss what to do next. We are not sure if he is going to tell us I need to have a laparoscopy or if we just move right into IVF. Honestly, both scare the shit out of me. Ultimately, good things could come out of them but never thought I would be here. I totally understand though why we have had to go through 2 years and 4 months of trying and meds and procedures...it was just preparing us and making us stronger for the more difficult steps we must now take.
I am feeling I have been a horrible blogger lately. I have been feeling quite depressed for some time now. I have been trying to keep up with commenting. It seems as though a ton of my blogger friends are now pregnant. This makes it difficult because I can't relate but gives me hope for the future. I really need support right now.
I just want to scream and break down but I know that won't do me any good. For now I will tell myself what I tell many others with my sarcasm "Suck it up Sally!" As I have said before, I can and will do this. One day at a time.