Ovaries, Are You Out There?

Dear Ovaries,
I have a few questions and comments for you.....
1) Are you working?
2) What makes you think you can take breaks every so often?
3) Do you have to have little sharp pains shoot through you once in a while that give me false hope that there is some kind of baby making going on down there?
4) How much medicine does it take for you to produce good follicles/eggs?
5) Left side - Are you alive? Seriously, every ultrasound to check out the good ol' follies proves that you are a slacker. The right side is kicking your butt in the follicle department. Pick up the pace please. Maybe you are the side that will be the winner!
6) Are there any eggs in those follicles of yours?
7) What medicine would you like to try next because obviously Clomid, FSH shots, and HCG triggers just aren't doing it for you.
8) Can you and my fallopian tube friends stop fighting? Just get along already and pass something through there.

Okay, I guess that is it for now. Just because I am done here doesn't mean I am letting you off the hook.

P.S. I love you. :)

Constant Reminders

I just finished watching an episode of Modern Family. It seems as though everywhere I turn lately, there is something that reminds me I do not have a child. Pregnant women seem to be around every corner...kind of like when you get a new car you notice all of the people who have the same car (but that is an easier one to handle!) I guess I am just feeling like I want to avoid the world sometimes. Can't I just avoid family gatherings, seeing friends, and going out in public (okay I am exaggerating!) Can't I just curl up in a comfy blanket on the couch with my two dogs and my husband until I am actually pregnant? I am so sick of having to make up some stupid excuse for when people ask me why I am not drinking...trying to get pregnant here people! Maybe I should just say "I am pregnant with dinosaur triplets so I am trying to cut back on the alcohol" and then maybe they won't ever ask again. Getting together with family even proves to be difficult lately. It is hard to be around anyone who doesn't know the constant struggle I am going through. So I guess that leaves me with the only person it is easy to be around lately is my husband. With him, I can just sit in the living room and say nothing, not smile, not laugh at my favorite shows, and he just understands. He hurts too. I can't hold it against my friends and family who we have not informed because that is a choice that we made. Maybe someday we will let everyone into our very private world, although, some may want to avoid entering it. Maybe I am afraid of how people will react or of how they will not react. Right now I just feel I have all that I can handle....I don't need other people to ask me how I am doing, or if I have gotten my period, or if I am feeling any symptoms, or anything that will be a reminder that I am not a mother yet. That blanket over there on the couch is looking really good right about now!

Rookie....

A few of the infertility blogs I have been following lately have inspired me to start my own blog. The intention of this blog is for me to talk about my issues with infertility. It is meant to be a healthy and safe outlet for my emotions/frustrations/worries/etc. We have not shared our struggles with family yet...we just have felt that we want to deal with this privately for now so it will be nice to be able to talk about here. I am new at this blogging thing so bear with me!
A little introduction...
My husband and I have been trying to conceive since August of 2008. 22 months. 22 long months. We did have to take a few months off here and there within that time frame but overall it just seems to be taking forever! Since this past September, hubby and I have been seeing a fertility specialist. This February we had our first IUI....failed. We had to try naturally (I am sad that I just said we "had to try naturally" - darn the bad luck!) in March and April due to our RE being on vacation in March and then my hysterosalpingogram in April. We are now 5 days past our 2nd IUI. The 2 week wait to test is not so much fun. In the meantime, I am going to try to keep an optimistic outlook. Lately, with all of the meds I am on it feels as though I am just living in a fog. Hopefully, the fog will clear up in 2 weeks!
So far this journey has been time well wasted....I wouldn't want to go back and have things go differently. I have a good life, but am just struggling to share this world with a new baby. My faith and awesome hubby have kept me going through a lot of this....I know He will guide us through this.